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humor:
The Duchess smashed the bottle against the bow and amid the applause of the crowd she slid on her greasy bottom into the sea.
Notes: A Belfast newspaper reported on the launching of an aircraft carrier and recorded:

Half the council are crooks, but was asked to retract it. The following week it ran the heading: Half the council are NOT crooks.
Notes: A newspaper in Ireland published the headline:

John F. Kennedy
We don't want to be like the leader in the French Revolution who said There go my people, I must find out where they are going so I can lead them.

Aer Lingus spokesman
What we are doing is in the interest of everybody, bar possibly the consumer.

Jonathan Swift
There is in every cook's opinion
No savory dish without an onion.
But lest your kissing should be spoiled,
The onion must be thoroughly boiled.

Do we now? came New York Mayor Al Smith's reply.
Notes: Why do you Irish always answer a question with a question? asked President Franklin D. Roosevelt.

Robert Lynd
It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.

And isn't he as slow as a wet week!
Notes: Said the Kerry farmer of a dim-witted neighbor:

William Butler Yeats
The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.

George Bernard Shaw
If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion.

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